my whole blog is either pictures of one direction, porn, shirtless guys, beautiful girls, depressing text posts, or personal posts

I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a fucking moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.

i have this weird self esteem problem where i hate myself yet i still think i’m better than everyone else

like i’m so ready to give up. he keeps changing my mind whenever he says something sweet but like, ugh. this is just not fun anymore. 

I hate how much my dad pushes me. He will stand here screaming at me for a half hour straight, being so ridiculously rude to me and telling me I’m not good enough, and the second I blow up he takes my phone away. How does he not expect me to talk back at him when he’s treating me like complete shit? I’m not just going to sit here and be talked to this way.

I’m not anyone’s first choice. I’m not anyone’s favorite. People may tell me I mean a lot to them and that I’m special to them but I know there’s someone they will always choose over me.

okay.

uh.

AHHAHAHHAHAH

Well today was a fun day. I had chorus, then graduation practice with the full band, then orchestra, then history class. And in history, we just watched a movie, so I pretty much did nothing all day. Which was relaxing, but I have a buttload of homework tonight and I’m afraid I won’t find the motivation to do it, even though it’s super important. My chorus director kinda pissed me off today…he’s been really moody lately, which bothers me because he’s somebody I used to really look up to. He yelled at me in the hall for going to get my permission slip signed, because he thought I was “wondering around” with Leah, and then after I explained to him what I was doing, he just mumbled sure, and trudged away. THEN in the middle of chorus he walked right past me and gave me a really dirty look…not sure what his problem is, as if I need anybody else treating me like shit. THEEENN during graduation rehearsal he came up to me and my friend Sammy and talked to her literally the entire time, and didn’t say a single word to me, even when I tried to join into the conversation. He’s just being extremely immature… I’m just surprised he’d treat me that way because he knows everything that’s going on in my life right now. Whatever man, you’re only making me lose respect for you. Hmmmmm…what else? I haven’t talked to Justin today, but he’s at his graduation so that’s completely understandable. I hope he’s having a good day heheC: Yeah so, that’s pretty much all that’s on my mind right now. Homework, chorus teacher, Justin. The end.

What I do NOT remember this episode of TDI. When did Heather show her tits?!?

my.. i dont even know what he is. my old friend? yeah. my old friend went to school today for the first time in…a really long time. and i was talking to zach and i turned around and he was right there, walking down the hall, and our eyes met and all of a sudden everything like…stopped….it was SO weird, soo….weird. we both stopped walking for a split second (which felt like about ten minutes) and looked at eachother, and my entire stomach knotted up really bad and i choked out a “hi” and he whimpered a “hey,” and that was it.. then i shuffled away and zach was like what the FUCK was that??! i have no idea what emotions led this to happening, or why my body reacted so ridiculously to being in his presence again………i dont like him, i dont  want him, it’s not like that…i dont know what it was…..

what did i just do

what did i just say

what is my life

so much to do

so little time

so little motivation